“Anger is a great gift.”
And yet, most of us were never taught what to do with that gift.
We were not taught how to recognize it.
We were not taught how to understand it.
And so, we learned either to suppress it or to express it in ways that hurt.
What happens when anger has no space
In recent years, I’ve been observing something that deeply moves me.
Not only around me — but within me.
An anger that has no space to be expressed.
And when it is not expressed, it does not disappear.
It transforms.
It becomes tension.
It becomes aggression.
It becomes distance.
And, in many cases, it becomes violence.
How we learn anger
The way we relate to anger is not random, it is shaped in childhood through our family environment, through what we saw — and what we didn’t see.
Many of us grew up in homes where:
- anger was expressed through shouting, tension, and fear
- or it was not expressed at all — only silence
And in both cases, something was missing: Understanding and healthy expression.
Explosion or suppression
As adults, we often move between two extremes: we explode or we freeze and stay silent
But rarely have we learned a third way: To communicate.
Today, in 2026, we live in a society more exposed to violence than ever. We see it everywhere: on screens, on the streets, in our everyday interactions And yet, we have not been taught how to process it. We have only learned how to observe it and stay distant.
It seems that today disconnection is our culture, even though we are somehow all the time 'connected' to some form of network, the most concerning part is not violence itself, but the lack of connected to another human being.
“This is not my problem.”
“It doesn’t concern me.”
Until it does.
The illusion of the “calm person”
There is also a widespread belief:
That some people “don’t get angry.”
That they are always calm. Always “zen.”
But anger that is not acknowledged does not disappear.
It accumulates.
And eventually, it finds a way to be expressed — often in ways that are not conscious or controlled.
Anger is a signal, and perhaps it is now time to redefine anger.
Anger is not the enemy.
It is a signal, that something is not right, that a need is not being met, that a boundary has been crossed. When we don’t listen to it, the body continues to hold it.
And this can show up as:
- tension
- anxiety
- insomnia
- emotional disconnection
A personal experience
Personally, I learned from a young age to freeze. To stay silent. To adapt. To say “yes” even when there was a “no” inside me. I learned to stay in the background, taking care of others. There was no space for anger there. No safety for expression.
Today, that experience is transforming.
I am learning:
- to recognize what I feel
- to give space to my needs
- to express myself without suppressing myself
Not perfectly, but consciously.
Every time I find myself in the city, I notice something striking: I don’t just see people, I see exhaustion, tension, unexpressed anger, sadness, fear and disconnectedness.
What we are experiencing is not only personal. It is collective. And if we look honestly, we may recognize ourselves in it. Let us ask ourselves, is there another way? The answer to that questions is yes. Yes, there is. But it requires learning. Psychotherapy is an important tool, as is Nonviolent Communication and Self Inquiry, Meditation.
It helps us learn:
- to recognize our feelings
- to understand our needs
- to express ourselves without attacking
Often we lead ourselves though discussions regarding mental health and behavioral analysis that, taking responsibility is the first and most important thing we can do as a response to what is happening, what we feel, what do we need - in order to identify ourselves clearly and communicate with empathy and care.
Anger is not created by others. It intensifies when we blame others for what we feel, instead of taking responsibility to understand and express it. Perhaps anger is not the problem. Perhaps it is the beginning.
The beginning of a more authentic relationship with ourselves.
And with others.